So every year around January through till mid March, depression kicks in in Maria Land.
I do know why it starts in January, personal stuff to do with when I was younger, but it still astounds me that year after year I manage to, even though I'm expecting it and semi-prepared for it, to be caught off gaurd and rendered completley helpless.
I hate using the word depression because it seems so teenaged and angsty. To be fair I am teenaged and angsty, but it's just, I wish I had something that sounded less like I'm writing a teen angst poem.
I guess I get so depressed (aurgh, that word again) because I'm always hella lonely from January to mid-March. It's not that I don't have friends and family around, it's just that they are all so preoccupied with their other business and I always have nothing to do. I'm always alone in my house, or [was] alone at school, or [was] alone at dance, or alone at work.
My insomnia starts to kick in, and when I finally do get to sleep, I have real vivid, real awful dreams.
Lately I've been having people sleepover, usually my bestest pals, and it really helps just to have a body sleeping next to me. Even if I can barely sleep it calms me down and makes me feel safe. I'm really afraid of the dark, it scares me so bad, and when I have someone next to me my loneliness and my fear just seems to fade. When I'm alone in the dark all I can do is freak out.
I usually spend my nights on the (very uncomfortable) couch watching TV passing out when either Shawn gets home or the sun starts to rise.
I can't wait for March.
I apologize for the teen ansgt poetry sound of this post.
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3 comments:
Eww, gross. Tell me about it sista. In feb. of 07, my insomnia slash ("depression") hit me like a ton'o'bricks and I literally stayed up until 7am and slept until 4 when it became dark again and never left my room (let alone house) for THE (and I mean THEE) majority of the month. It was fucking weird coming out of it in march.
Hopefully, my lady-love, you can turn this negative into a positive in some way/shape or form! :)
Much loves, and stay strong. We hold the power to ourselves!
♥raquellies!
i always get depressed around october and i KNOW its coming but i can never fucking deal with it. sometimes i wish someone would just deem me mentally fucked and throw me at a psychiatrist who would load me full of drugs and send me on my way. if only. i understand you, m.
ps. its ruby. i found you via lily! i dont use blogger but i DO use wordpress.. so.. yee
You guys are so great, ot
s always nice to know that I'm not the only person with this problem, and I know that I'm not, but when it's going on I feel so alone.
So Thanks, you guys are pretty great.
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