name all your friends that you love

So I'e had a tough coupla past days.

My boyfriend and I broke up, for the second time, and even though I thought I was prepared this time (it was more a mutual thing) I'm still pretty gutted. I've been crying less than I did last time, but my body has hella shut down. It doesn't need food or a whole lotta sleep. I am so bitter it's not even funny, and I have to lie to myself to feel better. I'm not being healthy but I feel like I have no other choice. Because Caleb and I have yet to hang out as friends, I feel like my mind can't make the transition yet from ex to friend, and it's pretty awful. I just want things to fix and get better.

It just so hard sometimes, when I think of small things that made me happy. How he used to always warm my feet when I went to bed because they always got cold easily. Or how he would almost always be in bed when I got home from work, which gave me something to look forward to when I was on my way home. Small things like that, routine things. It's miserable when you get used to soemthing like that and then all of a sudden it's gone from your life.

My biggest fear is that we won't be friends either from his lack of effort or my fear of contacting him. What's terrible about that is that he is someone I can talk for hours with on obscure topics.

So yeah, mostly I'm scared things aren't going to work out, or that I'm falling into this unheahty recovery process.