Sweet communist, the communist daughter, standing on the sea-weed water

I am currently watching one of the most hilarious episodes of Supernatural ever. It is so funny, i haven't laughed this hard at a TV show since the first time I watched Veronica Mars.

http://you.video.sina.com.cn/pg/topicdetail/topicPlay.php?tid=1892085&uid=1459842472#7647044

Everyone in the entire world whould watch this episode, it's so so so so funny.

A lucky rabbits foot gets stolen from the boy's father's lockup and it has a curse on it so that anyone who touches it is supremly lucky, but as soon as they lose it their luck takes a turn for the worse and then they eventually end up dying. Through some hilarious events, Sam, and then Dean both end up with the foot, and then losing the foot and it's just so silly and hilarious.

There is this one part, after Sam has the foot stolen, where Dean is on the phone and Sam gets gum on his shoe, and he keeps trying to scrape it off and eventually ends up losing his shoe and when Dean gets off the phone he says, "I lost my shoe" and it's just sooooo cute. He's this 6'4, 24-28 yr old stud and he says it ike he's a 5'2, 8 year old boy. It's so adorable.

Anyways, today I had great day, Ben and Hannah slept over last night and we all hung out this morning. I got money for my New Years booze. Met up with Ben and Hannah again at Bon's. Met Brianne, who gave me the dress she altered for me for New Years. Went to work. Worked a really awesome shift with a really cool shift supervisor. Came home and watched this super hilarious epsiode of Supernatural.

Harrruuummmm, I am in a good mood as tomorrow is New Years, and I am getting ready with some of the best, and I have booze all lined up, and I am putting a girl who doesn't usually wear dresses into a dress.

I also get to hang out with Gloria lots tomorrow which I am super excited about. Gloria is someone I hope to have an excellently awesome friendship with because she is so cool. There shall be an omage to her soonish.

There is no omage this week as I am tired from my long day and must do laundry now, but adieu to all and to all an adieu.

Oh PS. I just bought three CD's, Kings of Leon - Youth & Young Manhood (totally awesome, kind of like a mix between Johnny Cash and Queens of the Stone Age), Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning (also pretty awesome. but ihaven't listened to it enough to determine what exactly about it I like), and a Yeah Yeah Yeahs EP (Yeah Yeah Yeah are always awesome as Karen O is their lead singer and they just kick hella ass, but it's only an EP so it's not quite the same as a full album). I have also been listening to Neutral Milk Hotel - In and Aeroplane Over the Sea due to Shawn and Caleb listening to it at full volume AAAAAALLLL the time, but I have really grown to like. It's the kind of music I either hate or an iffy about at first but then the more you [are forced to] listen to it, the more you like it.

So yeah. There is some musical business as well.

Ciao.

Buffybot

Something happened to me this morning that just made me giggle and giggle and giggle and giggle. I can't say what it is, it's a secret and I'm telling no one, but it made me giggle so much. hee hee.

I don't have a whole lot to say since my last post. I'm in a much better mood evidentally. Stupid birth control, all that estrogen is no good for me, it's throwing my emotions into a frenzy!

I HATE ESTROGEN SOMETIMES!!!

Except when it makes me all happy like, like right now. I don't even know why I am being so silly. SO SILLY!!!

Anyways, that's all for today folks.

Christmas was a nice time for me, I didn't do much, didn't get a ridiculous amount of gifts (like usual) (WHICH IS FINE, I ONLY ASKED FOR ABOUT THREE THINGS!!!), did have a nice time with the fam though.

I came to some really strange realizations though, like some people I've known for a while whom I always thought were mentally stable, are definitley not, at least not anymore.

And how I am definitley recovering from my breakup healthily and faster than most people do, but how I am still hurt and will have a lot of trust issues with everyone due to it.

How I love reading and love books but don't have the patience or time to sit down and finish an entire actually quality book (why I can only handle trashy ones). That The OC Season 1 is possibly the best show ever (other than Veronica Mars and Buffy of course) and I love it and it continually suprises me and makes me laugh (even though I have seen every episode like 12 times).

How Buffy starts to get really depressing around Season 5 and how I absolutley love Spike and want to have all of his babies except that he is a vamp and in love with Buffy so it doesn't work like that.

How I really just want to turn 19 and start being able to go to clubs and meet new people. How I have this one friend who is continually supportive of me and no matter how crazy (and belive me, I get hella crazy sometimes) and how upset and mean I get she is always okay with me being like that and always forgives me for being a mental patient.

How I've been kind of neglectful and a bad friend of a lot of people without meaning to.

How I hate when I buy people gifts and they're a)uncaring, and b) don't even have the taste to buy/make one back. I don't need something store bought. Something homemade is fine.

How people are so down on each other all the time, and how half the time I am like that and half the time I try to fight to stop people being like that.

How I am insanely jealous of eveyone I know, which I sometimes hide well and soemtimes don't.

How I am just this sad little crazy jealous bitchy McBitch girl and how my life will never sort out.


Off topic, I legitimatley love Christmas. It makes me so happy. The only sad part about my Christmas is that on xmas eve continuing to xmas day, I got so down and out that I didn't appreciate it as much as I usually do. I am being so dismal this year it's depressing. I really hate being a downer.

your girl, she's a renegade

I really hate boys.

Most boys.

They are so hot and cold and weird and nice then mean.

I was at this Christmas party on the weekend visiting some of my old friends and an ex-sex buddy was there. I've had trouble with him before, around March time he really wailed on me for not dating him and then ripped me apart because I was dating someone else. It was brutally awful, I cried to myself for days and was insecure about the stuff he said much longer than that. I'd run into him occasionally, I used to work around where he used to live, and he'd come in once and while with his new girlfriend when she was looking for a bathingsuit. Everytime he's just say some snide comment that made me want to cry.

Then on Friday he avoided me most of the night. This is what we do because when we were sleeping together, I made it clear to him that no one could know and tht no one could ever find out., so we avoid each other. Then, while I was on my way to see a puking friend, he intercepted me and told me some super duper mean things that I have been so worried about my entire life. Basically, I spent the rest of the night crying.

After that, I had to meet up with Caleb for dinner, and on the way I got kinda of harrassed by a hobo, which is no big deal, it happens often, it's just that it gets so frustrating. When I got to meeting Caleb, I couldn't stop crying, and we had a nice dinner, but I was so upset by Alex my night was kind of tainted. Then, when we go to the movie theatre, I slept through the entire Nightmare Before Christmas, which sucks, and then had to leave halfway through Gremlins.

I dunno. I've just been like hella crazy lately and expecting far too much from people all the time.

I'm only a woman, of flesh and bone

I HAVE PLANS FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS OF MY LIFE AND I A SUPER, SUPER, SUPER, SUPER, SUPER, SUPER EXCITED ABOUT EM! It's gon be SWEET! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!! SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Love, love me do, you know I love you

So I've decided to continue my party recollection another time as today I am missing one of my best pals Piper like crazy and want to write an omage to her.

This is Piper. Like all of my other friends, she is super duper cool. She is one of the few people I know who is rarely judemental (most of the people I hang out with, including myself, are hella judgemental). She's super goregous, dresses super uniquley (sp?), and is super fun to be around ALL THE TIME. She's not an angry forceful person, but piss her off and beware, you have trouble coming your way for sure. She always taked care of me when I have problems, always, I never have to doubt that I can call her in a jiff. She is ridonculously talented, she is a licensed hairdresser, can sing amazingly, dances incredibly gracefully, is a fabulous and credible actor/actress, and can do makeup and dress like no other.

Sadly, Piper has left me, and everybody else, for nine months, to go into the Katimavik program. It's really difficult not having Piper around, she always provides that slice of happiness when you're feeling down.

So that's a little bit of Piper for you.

My week has been alright, other than this co-worker at work calling me a psycho bitch. It's okay because I have more authority over him and he's rather annoying and not listened to all the time, but still hella hurt to have my homie Richard (also a co-worker, and SO AWESOME) tell me that he said that about me. I was really upset, it sucks when you think you're crazy and everyone does their best to reassure you that you aren't and then some person who you don't know and doesn't really know you goes and passes a judgement like that.

So considering the fact that I am freshly broken up, got sexually harrassed at work, broke, tired all the time, and super lazy, I am in a super good, happy, excited place right now.

I hung out with Caleb for a coupla days in a row and it was suprisingly nice and not awkward. I'm pretty happy with the way that that's panning out (in my last post I was saying that I just wanted to transition nicely to being friends, and it seems we have).

So I had this super awesome talk with Lily tonight about all the fun times and all the weird drama that has happened at all the various parties that happened last year. Here is a list of a few things things that definitley stood out to me:

-Jessie's Party:

• Drunken Foosball
• Cuddling with Oliver and Piper foooorrreeeeeverrrr
• General bonding with BRIANNE!
• Telling Oliver I was a dancer and then sticking my leg behing my head and my fist in my mouth (and then him saying that one day I would make some dude very happy)
• Telling Gloria I could do [this] because I was a dancer and then rolling across the living room floor

-Alison's Birthday:

• Dancing with Piper, Tate, Lily, various others in Alison's room
• Caleb calling me a slut when I first showed up (I was wearing no pants)
• Missing Colleen and Shawn cause I really wanted to see both of them
• The super cool masks everyone got to wear
• Hanging out with Claire!
• Metting Kougar and Keaton for the first time and having a long conversation about how awesome Sacha is (i'm still, to this day, not sure how we got from "hi, I'm Maria." to "I LOVE SACHA BROWN!!!"
  
• Going home, so drunk, with Katherine and writing silly drunken comments all over Shawn's facebook page and photos

-Evil Dead Party:

• Stoli and Sparkling Juice
• Bouncing on matresses with Brianne on the way there
• Oliver on drugs, saying really strange things to EVERYONE
• Lily and myself deciding it would be super cool to take off our shirts and wear only leather jackets
• My first hug with Benjamin
• Ben and Paige making out all night

-Phoenix's Birthday:

• The greenest of green scraves ever worn
• Walking to Mac's with Caleb and Alex and Piper to buy cigarettes (possibly meeting Alex for the first time?)
• Totally great dance party with Lily and Piper
• Screwdrivers

-Ruby's Birthday Party:

• Marcjon hella hitting on Lily and Ruby commenting it to me (which I remember making me giggle for about five minutes, but I can't, for the love of anything, remember what she said)
• Drinking half of some large bottle of vodka with Jackie-D on an empty stomach
• Hanging out with Carly cause I hadn't seen her in so long
• Carly wearing fake eyelashes
• Jeffery puking on JD's (and Carly's?) bag
• Making many, many, many people makeout
• Flashing a coupla people
• *An addition by Shawn* Everyone falshing their boobs.\
  
• Tequila shots backwards (I think I did lime, shot, salt?)
• Puking on the coat Kai brought me to wear
• Kai taking care of me

-Caleb and Shawn's Birthday:

• Lily and her A Softer World book she was so proudly showing to everyone
• Hanging out in the hallway with Lo and Piper and JD
• The Heart Ring I gave Lily
• KInce KInce looking super cool but super indie badass
• Isabel's cool fro
• Ben's Superbad shirt
• Caleb's hairpick
• Caleb being violent
• Shawn walking home with KInce, Lisa, Brianne and I and then sleeping there cause he didn't feel like walking back

-New Years:

• Being ridiculously drunk it was silly
• The makeout circle of various people including, Lo, Piper, Keaton, Isabel, Ruby, Hannah, myself and probably others
• Hanging out with Lo and Piper on the front porch for a long long time
• Dancing to Twist and Shout
  
• Grabbing Kougar to dance and Piper grabbing Johnny and being impressed by their impressive dance moves
• Random people from across the street and down the block
• Ben and Hollie hella making out

-Rowan Lehmann's Party (The only things I really remember are these three):

• Some sexual threesome chat
• Getting stoned with Caleb, Shawn, Ben, and Rowan
• Ice skating down the roads with Lily
  

-Jos's Party:

• Lily being so drunk because her month of not smoking, drinking, or smoking was up
• Creating the awesomist lymrick with Shawn
• Chatting with Emma and Ruby about rum and rum drinks
  
• Ruby making delcious rum drinks
• Hangning out lots with Ruby and Caleb
• Getting high with Rowen for the first time

-Caleb's and Shawn's Party and Caleb's:

• Drinking out of a measuring cup I found
• Kazumi saying something rather mean and getting punched for it
• Brian and Shawn's hella cool dance off
• Some dirty, sexual, unmentionable things (I was missing for a lot so I don't remember a whole lot more)
• Eating Annie's Cheese Bunnies with Ben, Caleb, and Shayla in Caleb's bed

-Caeli's Toga birthday:

• All the hella cool togas
• Ben's weird brass-made-of-plastic knuckle he found
• All the Bacardi Breezers
• Sami being the drunk as all hell
• The sweetest picture ever taken

And now I am tired
I shall continue this another time

name all your friends that you love

So I'e had a tough coupla past days.

My boyfriend and I broke up, for the second time, and even though I thought I was prepared this time (it was more a mutual thing) I'm still pretty gutted. I've been crying less than I did last time, but my body has hella shut down. It doesn't need food or a whole lotta sleep. I am so bitter it's not even funny, and I have to lie to myself to feel better. I'm not being healthy but I feel like I have no other choice. Because Caleb and I have yet to hang out as friends, I feel like my mind can't make the transition yet from ex to friend, and it's pretty awful. I just want things to fix and get better.

It just so hard sometimes, when I think of small things that made me happy. How he used to always warm my feet when I went to bed because they always got cold easily. Or how he would almost always be in bed when I got home from work, which gave me something to look forward to when I was on my way home. Small things like that, routine things. It's miserable when you get used to soemthing like that and then all of a sudden it's gone from your life.

My biggest fear is that we won't be friends either from his lack of effort or my fear of contacting him. What's terrible about that is that he is someone I can talk for hours with on obscure topics.

So yeah, mostly I'm scared things aren't going to work out, or that I'm falling into this unheahty recovery process.

A real RocknRolla wants the fucking lot/

So I clearly went and saw RocknRolla, that new Guy Ritchie movie that just came out. It was pretty good, nothing amazing or award winning by snob standards, but by plain ol' regular me standards, it wa pretty awesome.

I suppose Guy Ritchie movies are just big clichés, British gangsters who get into this tangled mess, people whose story lines have nothing to with the others coming together because of some crazy problem, weird plot twists that hint at the answer, but make no real sense until the very end, and silly, awful, awesome black humor.

The thing I really like about the two Guy Ritchie movies I've seen is that there is at least one super well written monologue. He just finds something so obscure but obvious and very cruelly but poetically turn into a metaphor for life. There were two this time.

"People ask the question... what's a RocknRolla? And I tell 'em - it's not about drugs, drums, and hospital drips, oh no. There's more there than that, my friend. We all like a bit of the good life - some the money, some the drugs, other the sex game, the glamour, or the fame. But a RocknRolla, oh, he's different. Why? Because a real RocknRolla wants the fucking lot."

and then my favorite,

" You see that pack of Virginia killing sticks on the end of the piano?"
" Yes."
" All you need to know about life is retained in those four walls. You will notice that one of your personalities is seduced by the illusions of grandeur - the gold packet of king size with a regal insignia, an attractive implication towards grandeur and wealth, the subtle suggestion that cigarettes are indeed your royal and loyal friends, and that, Pete, is a lie.Your other personality is trying to draw your attention to the flip side of the discussion, written in boring bold black and white, it's a statement that these neat little sergeants of death and in fact trying to kill you and that, Pete, is the truth. Oh, beauty is a beguiling call to death and i'm addicted to the sweet pitch of its siren. That that starts sweet ends bitter, and that which starts bitter ends sweet. That is why you and i love the drugs and that is also why I cannot give that painting back. now please, pass me a light."

So fucking sweet. Anyways.

The rest of my weekend was spent pretty well. Friday night I went and saw Lily and some other pals in a cool performance art thing which was a commentary on how personal and unique a girls getting ready to go out process is. It was super interesting and hella powerful, especially since I could relate and say how I could never go in front of so many people and just get ready.

Then Caleb and I went for dinner, went to RocknRolla, and then home for sleepytime.

The next morning I woke up and Caleb and I watched How I Met Your Mother for about five hours. It's a sweet show Shawn and Caleb discovered, started watching, and then have hooked me into watching. I haven't seriously watched a sitcom like this since Friends and have just rediscovered how seriosuly hilarious and comforting they can be.

After that we went to some people who are friends of theirs (and mine?) named Alex and Johnny and we watched TV aaaaaaalll night. I always feel a little uncomfortable being there because a) They are all older, cooler, and say wise things I can't fathom even thinking of saying, and b) there are typically no or very few females there. Luckily for me I had a) my awesome pal Keaton who NEVER makes me feel uncomfortable, b) Kougar, a super cool dude who never makes me feel dumb when I talk, c) Jacqueline, a goregeous chesty redhead who is super sweet and kind, and d) LILY! Then we went home and got some sleep.

This morning I woke up to the sound of Colleen and Isabel, two other coolios, coming over to watch Buffy, something we shall do EVERY SUNDAY until we run out of Buffy Episodes. Then I went to my parents for dinner, met Sami and some of her friends, met up with Hannah, and went and saw Twilight.

I'm not a huge fan of the books. I like them, they entertain me, but they aren't my favorites. I also never saw the obsession with Edward until I saw the gorgeous man, Robert Pattinson (of Harry Potter fame), play Edward. He was just too adorable, and paired with the feircley talented Kristen Stewart, it was just too perfect of a romance. I walked out all warm and bubbly.

So I belive this is the time to write my omage to Lily.

This is Lily, one of saaviest, coolest, suavist, most sexually (in a excitingly awesome way), people with the best taste in music, ever. It just makes me happy to see her and make we want to dance a little cha cha cha dance for her. She also is this fantastic singer and an amazing photographer. I don't know a whole lot about photography terms, but she manages to always capture a moment perfectly. She also has there badass combat boots that I adore, and while they are not her, they are a part of her totally kickass style that I would love to be able to pull off but can't. She also is one of the few people that watches Veronica Mars with me and thinks it's cool, AND she introduced me to melted cheese on perogies, which are some of my favorite foods.
^Above is one of my fav pictures of me and Lily, from the Blue Party Sacha and Jacqueline and Raquel held last year. I asolutley love it.

Anyways, imma go, watch some How I Met Your Mother, maybe try and sleep. Super excited for my week.

Ciao.

Shoot to kill/Aim to please

I had a great day today. I got hella sleep last night even though the boys, my roommate Shawn and my boyfriend Caleb, had people over until about 5am, and I got some quality cuddling, which is one of my favorite things ever, my shift at work got cut from 6 hrs to 4 hrs (which is a good thing, I swear it), and I have the house to myself for the time being ( I used to hate it and now I love it).

My weekend is looking pretty great too. It goes like this:
Friday: Window shopping with two of my best pallys Sami and Hannah, work, then I'm heading to a party.
Saturday: Sleep in (no work, YAY!), hanging out with Lily (YAY! It's been FORVER!), hopefully (if it works out we can both do it) having another good pal Caeli over for dinner (YAY! someone else I haven't seen in a while), then perhaps (if there is something going on) going out or having a Buffy Fest with my amigos Isabel and Colleen.
Sunday: Maybe more Buffy with Isabel and Colleen, dinner with my parents (YAY! I love them they are too good to me), then meeting my long lost best friend Kathleen for some drunken Arrested Development.

I'm still missing people like crazy. Luckily my insane stalker tactics where I tried to get ahold of Lily every way possible worked and now I get to hang out with her, YAY!

Today I am missing two awesome people, INSANELY! They are both besties of mine, one of whom I see quite a bit and the other who moved far far far far far far away.

Hannah, my good pal who I have ever so much fun with, I am missing lots, cause I haven't seen her in, *gasp*, one whole week. I know it's silly some people go years without seeing each other and such, but she's soooooo cool and understands a lot of what I'm saying, even though I'm a little crazy and usually make very little sense. Especially when we're both drunk off coolers. She also happens to be the coolest person EVER (I think I might have mention that already), just generally awesome and badass and I aspire to be like her. Which shall never happen because she is also the most attractive person ever. She also cuts my hair very prettily. Basically, I just hella enjoy spending time avec Hannah and really want to see her, sooooo badly because there are very few people who understand my crazy speech and she is one of them. and now I'm rambling like a crazy person. So I'll stop.

The other person I'm missing like crazy-a-lazy is one of my best friends Brianne who moved across the country for schooling. She is someone, who no matter how crazy, upset, and unresonable I'm being, always makes me feel like I am a mature adult making a whole lotta sense. Which I rarely do. I ramble on crazily. We can talk for hours and hours and hours about anything and everything, although converstion usuallyends up about sex. She is te one person I used to be able to count on to be able to call at three in the morning. I mean that literally. Some people say that you can call and wake them, but when you do they get mad or unresponsive (or both), but Brianne would always make time for me. One time, I called her crying and anxious about maybe not being able to graduate and she talked to me (and calmed me down) for about three hours. She then made sure she was going to see me almost immediatley after (after we'd stayed up all night talking) and treated me to (McDonalds) breakfast. The day after, which I had expected to be so awful, was actually sooooo fun ( I was in three classes with Brianne and it was hilarious as we were both hella sleep deprived and had eaten McDOnalds for breakfast).This is her and me at prom being uber super cute and awesome.

She also has these super cool lip piercings, snakebites and another which I am not sure of the name, but they are my favorite lip piercings in the world. They suit her soooo well and I adore them. I also miss them.

My missing of Brianne has been going on for a long time, but deepened yesterday when I read this note of hers having to do with the use of the term "gay" and "lame". I use the term lame a lot in my everyday life, and she pointed out that it's hurtful and derogatory towards people who are "lame" in some way. So I'm making an effort to now use "poopy", something that I love saying and it is, in no way, at all, hurtful towards any particular group of people.

So imma go, still wathing Supernatural and the super cute boys are a-waiting...

Americans are forever searching for love in forms it never takes, in places it can never be. It must have something to do with the vanished frontier

I always try to keep a journal/diary of sorts but it never works out because I always get too busy and forget about writing.

Right now I'm watching Supernatural, a show I used to watch but stopped for some reason. It's just too awesome. The leads are super cool (as well as super attractive), the lines are super silly and make me giggle, and while the plot is lacking, it moves quickly enough to keep interest. Dean's my favorite. He's studly and witty and does stupid things. He's also hella charming, which is my favorite thing in a boy, and has pretty teeth.

I'm also reading Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, and it's amazing. I'm a huge Vonnegut fan, I read my first book (Slaughterhouse-Five) of his when I was 16 for English class and loved it so much that I had to read others. The title of this post is line from Chp. 44.

Haruuum, the boys of Supernatural, Dean and Sam, are parusing around in some pipes being all sweaty, wet, and dirty, and it's just tooooooooooo attractive.

Life is being silly. Or I'm being silly, I suppose. I'm so fickle and up and down. My emotions are all over the place, one minute I'm happy, next I'm sad, or depressed, or gleeful, or terrified, or anxious, or any emotion, really. I miss people like crazy and then in a second I can completely hate them, sometimes all in the same moment. I blame it on the birth control pill. Extra estrogen is too much estrogen.

Anyways, I'm hella missing people, one person in particular is my friend Lily. We've been trying to hang out for weeks but something always comes up. We used to do all these awesome things together, like spooning outside the drama studio, and (me) cutting class (on Lily's spare) to go smoke behind the benches behind and talk about music or people or take/draw pictures or dance to Eagles of Death Metal (SOLID GOLD!!!). Now, I haven;t seen her in a couple of weeks and it's a little unsettling (Lily, if you read this, I'd really like to hang out pal).

SO blargh. I'm hoping things will get less silly but we'll see. In the meantime, I'll be "The Boys of Supernatural" kick some demonic ass.