all the warm refusals and blind assumptions

RADTASTIC!
The silliest word in the entire world. SO SILLY!
So hipster.
I used to hate it and I now I have a secret love affair with it. SHHHHHH! If you hear me use it, don't hate or be offended or what not. Just get used to it. I think it's cute.

Anyways, my life went to shit last weekend. I cried. Lots. The world had un-righted itself and there seemed nothing I could do to make it better. Eventually I picked myself back up and pulled it together, and now things are pretty good. Pretty gosh darn good.

But not great.

I don't really want to say a whole lot on this topic, cause it makes me angsty. Maybe it's just the pill, but I have this feeling that underneath my new found 'goodness' is a layer of depression waiting to break out.

I figured out why I get so devastated too.

Caleb and I were talking on Wednesday night. He said he hopes for the best and prepares for the worst, which is what the average person thinks, but doesn't actually do. Yet he actually does. I hope for the best, and it's the kind of hope where I just assume, and prepare for the best, cause I think I know, and when the best or something like it doesn't happen, I'm devastated. I believe the average person falls somewhere in between the both of us.

The reason I think like this is because I suppose I try to force out negativity. Not that I'm necessarily an optimist. Just that I want the best for myself and refusing mediocrity seems the best route in my mind. As I write this, I am aware that I sound like a selfish five year old, but quite honestly, what's wrong with wanting to be happy?

What if my pursuits in life can be traced back to the main stem of just wanting to be happy?

Apparently, according to books, TV, and some movies I've seen and read, wanting to be happy in life is the answer of a selfish child. What I don't understand is why? And I do, to some extent, but I find, in my pursuit to be happy, I also try, as hard as I can, to make the people around me happy, as that makes me happy.

Maybe I am just childish and selfish, but that's all I want out of life, is to be happy.

The end of rant.