sigmund freud, analyze this

Today life is frustrating me. I work hard at being better, not doing drugs, drinking, getting to bed early instead of going out late and not getting any sleep, eating at proper intervals, making a very good and conscious effort to not talk about people behind their backs even when they're frustrating me, and how do I get repaid?

Like this:

I'm agitated and feel left out when everyone is drinking and doing drugs.

I can't fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning so I only get like three of four hours of sleep and that makes me fucking insane.

Me not talking about people in a vindictive way somehow causes everyone else to feel like it's okay to call me a fuck up and crazy and a bad friend and annoying and whatever else loverly flaws that irritate people and drive them to talk about me vindictively behind my back. And I find out about it on days when I'm down.

I'm gaining a shitload of weight and even though I tried eating protein and yummy tasty healthier choices, I've fainted three time in the past two weeks from fucked up blood sugar levels that aren't normal and definitely from past choices I've made (disorders, diseases, and drugs) and I upchuck a solid amount of food at least once a day. It's really charming.

To add on all of these super lovely things, My tits are giant past the point of attractiveness and they hurt like fuck all of the time. My skin is so bad and I've never had acne or even bad skin in my life, I look like shit. I have been so totally unsatisfied with my appearance lately, not once in the past three weeks have I felt attractive. I'm super fucking moody all the time and it makes me hate people. I really have not been able to deal with shit from people lately.


And, the cherry on the fucking top of the dripping and oozing ice cream sundae that is my life is that I have the worst fucking thing to deal with right now, like literally something that theoretically would have me running to the bathroom stalls crying and trying to drown myself in the toilet. Luckily I've taken it with a grain of salt and am laughing it off. Which is kind of awesome because it's made life a whole lot more bearable.


ANYWAYS, despite all my whining I'm doing decently. Watching The OC and Glee. and Gilmore Girls. This is how I cope with life. Through TV shows. I want some fudgeo-s. Imma go get some and eat some and yum yum yum!