Keep the wind at your back and the sun on your face

I've been listening a lot to the Amelie Soundtrack. It is one of the most beautiful pieces of music I have ever heard, up there with Stravinsky's The Firebird and Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. Every time I hear it I feel like crying. Happy tears, not sad one, but tears none the less.

Currently, I feel like my life is so incredibly bland and gray area. I'm not really sure how I feel about everything. Confused I suppose.

My biggest problem right now is the fact that a lot of my friends are being douchebags. For example, I have a couple of friends that used to get super pissed off about the fact that I wasn't making enough of an effort to hang out with them and be friends with them, so I shaped up, made an effort. Now, those same people are doing nothing to hang out with me. I'm not really sure what happened, but I'm putting in all this effort to hang out with them, calling, texting, offering up dates that I'm free, offering to take them out at my expense, but no. Apparently that's not good enough.

It's really fucking annoying because they were the ones who were yelling at me, telling me I'm this no good friend and that I was being a loser friend, and now it's all reversed. I don't really feel like confronting them with this business, cause it's not a huge deal, I have other friends who mean a lot to me too and are making the effort (reminder to self, talk about how great Gloria is!).

I dunno. Specifically, I have this one friend whom I got in a fight about this a week ago, and after I totally owned her (yeaaaaaah!) she let down her guard and we were back to best friends. The next day, she totally just abandoned me again. It was shit.

Another friend of mine has gotten angry at me multiple times for not making enough of an effort, we've nearly had a couple of falling outs over it, and now that she's made all these cooler friends, suddenly I'm not nearly important enough. It sucks multiple dicks.

I've just let things fade because I'm sick and tired of doing all this work for nothing. I hate calling people up only to have them give you a vague answer and no real plans. It's shit. Complete and utter shit.

The worst part is, these are my best friends doing this to me. The only ones who I excuse are the ones who are currently not living in the same city as me, and the funny thing is is all these people have called me up at least once in the past month (Brianne, Piper, Caleb, Shawn, all rock my socks off).

I wish I could say whatever, but I can't. These are the people that I love the most in the world (minus my parents, my sister, and my grandfather) and I feel like I have no one right now that has been super close to me in the past that is willing to hang out with me and listen to me. What's even worse is I'm currently on the brink of a flip out. My grandfather is super sick and possibly going to die. I am lost at my job. I am lonely. I am depressed. It is raining. It just blows that there is no one around to make spoons with me anymore.

Now, on the other hand, I've become close with some really cool people lately.

Gloria. She is the coolest of the cool. She's funny and nice and kind. She has this awesome, charming sense of humour that's a little obscure in the best way. She can rip on people and make it sounds hilarious (and I am referencing Kaz's party during a particular game of Egyptian Rat Fuck with Gabe and Isabel). She's incredibly beautiful, inside and out, and she has this strange but awesome way of making me feel much much better about myself. One time, after a party and a lot of walking, we ended up in 7-11 looking for snacks. It was one of the most epic adventures I've ever been on. Lately, because we are planning a super road trip, we have been hanging out a lot lately. AND IT'S BEEN SUPER GREATNESS AWESOMENESS COOL!

Mucho Bueno love to her for being a good and cool pal. AND FOR BEING HILARIOUSLY AWESOME!!!

Kazumi! Or Kazubi, or sometimes Wazubi, as I like to call him. He is my twin brother. It's kind of complicated and I don't really want to go into it, but he is almost always there for me, even though sometimes he goes off and does other things. He comforting, and we share the same feeling of angst and similar taste for movies, music and people (sort of. We haven't fully explored all of those topics, but from what we have talked about, we are similarly similar). Plus, when I'm upset, he always comforts me and makes me feel loads more better. I love him the way I would love an actually blood brother, and we treat each other as such. Lately, due to our twin problems, we have been hanging out much so. I LOVE KAZUBI!!!

SHAWN!!! SHAWN SHAWN SHAWNEY! My old roommate who is currently living in Winnipeg. He is amazing. He is every kind of funny, witty, clever, sly, hilarious, blunt, blatant, he can do everything and he can do it well. He is so smart, and so talented, he writes and animates an online cartoon called The Time Travelling Bears http://altffour.newgrounds.com/ and it's completely brillo. No one has ever made me laugh as hard as Shawn has. Earlier, I said that he called me, well he hasn't but he has made excellent effort to keep up with me while he has been away, and for that, I love him even more. He is also just one of the most charming people and he has this sort of weird superhuman power of picking up on unsaid things. It's super cool. JUST. LIKE. HIM. If that wasn't enough, he also can always make me feel better. So you know. Just generally cool all around.

And that is that.

I'm going to go and watch some Buffster now. I haven't seen any slaying in a while and Isabel and Colleen are on their way over to have a legendary Buffy fest right now so I must va.

Ciao.