I had the most amazing night last night. Incredible.
It was folk fest this weekend and I neither volunteered nor bought tickets but I did hear of some people hanging out at Jericho beach afterward. Since it's close to my temporary home, and I love all of the people that were supposedly going to the beach I decided to take my chances and go hangout with them.
We were sitting near a massive drum circle and our friends who had instruments were jamming. Five minutes after I get there the opportunity comes up to do a little mdma. At first I was like, 'nah brah' just cause I wasn't sure if I could handle doing drugs that night, but as more and more people decided to do (specially the first timers such as Eli and Iain) I changed my mind.
It was incredible experience. It was a really good group of people to be with, and I only did one cap, so it was the perfect high.
We ended up walking around, our goal was Lolly and my backyard. It was so much fun, just being with incredible people. being a whole different and superconnected level with them. Plus, when I do mdma, everyone fabulosities seem to come together in my head and I can articulate what I like about them best.
I had a lovely long talk with Sully, Lily, Kay, Eli and Ruby, as well as phone conversation with Caleb, about why they are some of the greatest people ever.
At one point, Lily and I went into my room to look for clothes for her, and we ended up singing. Nellie joined us, and it was this incredibly tender moment. The only thing was my eyes kept skittering as we tried to read lyrics, and it was a tad freaky. But I got over it.
It was just a fabulous night all together and I'm really glad I made a silly decision cause I had a great night.
Ciao
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
this heart could not accept and pretend
BLAAAAAAAHHHH BLAH BLAH!
This is how I feel sometimes.
But LAAAAAAAAAAAAA LALALALA
Sometimes I feel like that.
Things have been relatively okay for me lately. Pretty good I suppose. I have been crying lots, but when is that any different from usual?
I have been hanging out lots with Lily, which is loverly. One night, lots of days ago, and lots I mean about seven, I went to visit her and we sat in the park and smoked and talked about... life. It was perfect. It was literally a perfect night and we did without the aid of mood enhancers (I don't count nicotine as a mood enhancing drug in this case cause the conversation was so good it wouldn't have mattered whether or not the smokes were around. They just enhanced something already great).
We are doing a photoshoot together to document my nineteenth year, before my nineteenth birthday, and I am real excited about it. It's going to be wandering around the city. Some pictures with best friends, some pictures without. Then we are going to the art gallery with Kay to see the Rembrandt and Vermeer. Then we are going to do some more picture taking. Basically, it's going to be a perfect day. PERFECT PREFECT PERFECT!
Also, Lily and I are doing a Hip Hop Research Project. We are going to hunt, read, listen to, dance to, search, research, whatever verbs there are that are possible and make sense in this sentence, hip hop knowledge. We are going to become hip hop music MASTERS!
Back to the Dutch exhibit at the art gallery. I love Dutch artwork. It's incredibly detailed and smooth and so fine. Dutch artwork has this incredibly distinctive style that encaptures the feel and culture of 1600s Holland. When my family and I were in Amsterdam last summer I wanted to go to the Rjikes Museum, which has a plethora of Rembrandt's and Vermeer's, but my mother wanted to go to the Van Gogh Museum. We ended up at the Van Gogh Museum, which was also amazing, but as we left, I couldn't help feeling this vague disappointment in not getting to see art that I've known and studies for years. I told this to Lily, and she was , YO! Come to the art gallery with me, and so we go.
I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MY FRIDAY!!!
ART IS AMAZING!
FRIENDS ARE AMAZING!
BEING NINETEEN IS GONNA BE THE BEST!
Ciao
This is how I feel sometimes.
But LAAAAAAAAAAAAA LALALALA
Sometimes I feel like that.
Things have been relatively okay for me lately. Pretty good I suppose. I have been crying lots, but when is that any different from usual?
I have been hanging out lots with Lily, which is loverly. One night, lots of days ago, and lots I mean about seven, I went to visit her and we sat in the park and smoked and talked about... life. It was perfect. It was literally a perfect night and we did without the aid of mood enhancers (I don't count nicotine as a mood enhancing drug in this case cause the conversation was so good it wouldn't have mattered whether or not the smokes were around. They just enhanced something already great).
We are doing a photoshoot together to document my nineteenth year, before my nineteenth birthday, and I am real excited about it. It's going to be wandering around the city. Some pictures with best friends, some pictures without. Then we are going to the art gallery with Kay to see the Rembrandt and Vermeer. Then we are going to do some more picture taking. Basically, it's going to be a perfect day. PERFECT PREFECT PERFECT!
Also, Lily and I are doing a Hip Hop Research Project. We are going to hunt, read, listen to, dance to, search, research, whatever verbs there are that are possible and make sense in this sentence, hip hop knowledge. We are going to become hip hop music MASTERS!
Back to the Dutch exhibit at the art gallery. I love Dutch artwork. It's incredibly detailed and smooth and so fine. Dutch artwork has this incredibly distinctive style that encaptures the feel and culture of 1600s Holland. When my family and I were in Amsterdam last summer I wanted to go to the Rjikes Museum, which has a plethora of Rembrandt's and Vermeer's, but my mother wanted to go to the Van Gogh Museum. We ended up at the Van Gogh Museum, which was also amazing, but as we left, I couldn't help feeling this vague disappointment in not getting to see art that I've known and studies for years. I told this to Lily, and she was , YO! Come to the art gallery with me, and so we go.
I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MY FRIDAY!!!
ART IS AMAZING!
FRIENDS ARE AMAZING!
BEING NINETEEN IS GONNA BE THE BEST!
Ciao
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
dim sum and then some...
Dear Veronica Mars,
You have saved my life many times and once again in these past few months. Specifically in these past few days. Without you I do not know what I would do with myself. Who would feed me sassy one liners and keep me giggling to myself for days? Who would remind me that in spite of depression and despair, I can always seek revenge and weird love? Who would help me fall asleep at night? The answer is nothing, Veronica Mars, nothing. So, to everyone who worked (sadly, it ended prematurely) on the show, thank you. As weird as this sounds, you have got me through a lot of ridiculous teen angst problem.
Sincerely, Maria Sommers
You have saved my life many times and once again in these past few months. Specifically in these past few days. Without you I do not know what I would do with myself. Who would feed me sassy one liners and keep me giggling to myself for days? Who would remind me that in spite of depression and despair, I can always seek revenge and weird love? Who would help me fall asleep at night? The answer is nothing, Veronica Mars, nothing. So, to everyone who worked (sadly, it ended prematurely) on the show, thank you. As weird as this sounds, you have got me through a lot of ridiculous teen angst problem.
Sincerely, Maria Sommers
Friday, June 26, 2009
history of the early medieval world
So I started looking at courses for school next year, and I have decided that I am so excited to go back. There are so many interesting things you can take at school.
For example, there is a course that studies the philosophy of sport. An anthropology course that studies mythology and folklore and another that studies the anthropology of film. One about sociology through literature. Political sciences in general, don't get me started, they excite me way too much. Also, hella history courses.
The more and more I look at courses and think about how much I can learn and discover and how much fun I'm going to have, the more and more excited I get for school.
BAH! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
It's something to look forward to.
Ciao.
For example, there is a course that studies the philosophy of sport. An anthropology course that studies mythology and folklore and another that studies the anthropology of film. One about sociology through literature. Political sciences in general, don't get me started, they excite me way too much. Also, hella history courses.
The more and more I look at courses and think about how much I can learn and discover and how much fun I'm going to have, the more and more excited I get for school.
BAH! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
It's something to look forward to.
Ciao.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
there is a place where the sidewalk ends, and before the street begins
HAHAHAHAHA! You know what's funny? My life. It's so funny because I am the dumbest bitch to ever walk across the face of this earth! Seriously! You might think you know the dumbest bitch but you don't. Not unless you know me.
I have tried, so hard, to think positively, since about very early fall, and hope that I will stop feeling so down all the time. BUT NOOOOOOO! LIFE YOU BITCH! You just think it's real fun to, whenever I'm feeling alright and like things are getting better, to just come along and take it away from me. HAHAHAHAHA! SO FUNNY!
I always trust in people and events and actions and that lovely trust that I respect so much always lands me at a bus stop on a Saturday night, crying and apologizing to Caleb (because how fair of me is it to drag him away from his much loved party lifestyle) about how I'm just a dumb bitch and want to go home and never do anything with my lie ever ever ever again.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Life, you are so funny.
I have tried, so hard, to think positively, since about very early fall, and hope that I will stop feeling so down all the time. BUT NOOOOOOO! LIFE YOU BITCH! You just think it's real fun to, whenever I'm feeling alright and like things are getting better, to just come along and take it away from me. HAHAHAHAHA! SO FUNNY!
I always trust in people and events and actions and that lovely trust that I respect so much always lands me at a bus stop on a Saturday night, crying and apologizing to Caleb (because how fair of me is it to drag him away from his much loved party lifestyle) about how I'm just a dumb bitch and want to go home and never do anything with my lie ever ever ever again.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Life, you are so funny.
Friday, June 12, 2009
all the warm refusals and blind assumptions
RADTASTIC!
The silliest word in the entire world. SO SILLY!
So hipster.
I used to hate it and I now I have a secret love affair with it. SHHHHHH! If you hear me use it, don't hate or be offended or what not. Just get used to it. I think it's cute.
Anyways, my life went to shit last weekend. I cried. Lots. The world had un-righted itself and there seemed nothing I could do to make it better. Eventually I picked myself back up and pulled it together, and now things are pretty good. Pretty gosh darn good.
But not great.
I don't really want to say a whole lot on this topic, cause it makes me angsty. Maybe it's just the pill, but I have this feeling that underneath my new found 'goodness' is a layer of depression waiting to break out.
I figured out why I get so devastated too.
Caleb and I were talking on Wednesday night. He said he hopes for the best and prepares for the worst, which is what the average person thinks, but doesn't actually do. Yet he actually does. I hope for the best, and it's the kind of hope where I just assume, and prepare for the best, cause I think I know, and when the best or something like it doesn't happen, I'm devastated. I believe the average person falls somewhere in between the both of us.
The reason I think like this is because I suppose I try to force out negativity. Not that I'm necessarily an optimist. Just that I want the best for myself and refusing mediocrity seems the best route in my mind. As I write this, I am aware that I sound like a selfish five year old, but quite honestly, what's wrong with wanting to be happy?
What if my pursuits in life can be traced back to the main stem of just wanting to be happy?
Apparently, according to books, TV, and some movies I've seen and read, wanting to be happy in life is the answer of a selfish child. What I don't understand is why? And I do, to some extent, but I find, in my pursuit to be happy, I also try, as hard as I can, to make the people around me happy, as that makes me happy.
Maybe I am just childish and selfish, but that's all I want out of life, is to be happy.
The end of rant.
The silliest word in the entire world. SO SILLY!
So hipster.
I used to hate it and I now I have a secret love affair with it. SHHHHHH! If you hear me use it, don't hate or be offended or what not. Just get used to it. I think it's cute.
Anyways, my life went to shit last weekend. I cried. Lots. The world had un-righted itself and there seemed nothing I could do to make it better. Eventually I picked myself back up and pulled it together, and now things are pretty good. Pretty gosh darn good.
But not great.
I don't really want to say a whole lot on this topic, cause it makes me angsty. Maybe it's just the pill, but I have this feeling that underneath my new found 'goodness' is a layer of depression waiting to break out.
I figured out why I get so devastated too.
Caleb and I were talking on Wednesday night. He said he hopes for the best and prepares for the worst, which is what the average person thinks, but doesn't actually do. Yet he actually does. I hope for the best, and it's the kind of hope where I just assume, and prepare for the best, cause I think I know, and when the best or something like it doesn't happen, I'm devastated. I believe the average person falls somewhere in between the both of us.
The reason I think like this is because I suppose I try to force out negativity. Not that I'm necessarily an optimist. Just that I want the best for myself and refusing mediocrity seems the best route in my mind. As I write this, I am aware that I sound like a selfish five year old, but quite honestly, what's wrong with wanting to be happy?
What if my pursuits in life can be traced back to the main stem of just wanting to be happy?
Apparently, according to books, TV, and some movies I've seen and read, wanting to be happy in life is the answer of a selfish child. What I don't understand is why? And I do, to some extent, but I find, in my pursuit to be happy, I also try, as hard as I can, to make the people around me happy, as that makes me happy.
Maybe I am just childish and selfish, but that's all I want out of life, is to be happy.
The end of rant.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The Goodbye Girl: this bird can barely fly
My TV life has a taken a turn for the awesome in many a way.
All about The OC. Man it's good. I always forget how much I love it, how endearingly cute the characters are, how well the music fits with whats going on, basically, I just love everything about it.
All about MadMen. SOOOOO GREAT! All about early 1960s ad execs and their lives. Their lives, wives and affairs. Super classy, super scandalous, super goooooooood. GLAMOUR GLAMOUR GLAMOUR! I have a love affair with the 60s.
All about Desperate Housewives. Just so good. Attractive ladies dealing with absurd situations that make me laugh. Glamour, seduction, mystery, humour. Everything I love in a good ol' TV show.
Lemme take a minute to talk about the people who have made a difference in my life since my last post.
1. Lily
We have had this nice, I'm not quite sure what word to use cause it aint no reconciliation, perhaps, reconnection. Not that we were disconnected. Just a little lost in the frazzle is all. Talking to her more regularly has put my life into a dreamy fuzz that I never want to leave. Its nice to know I have a friend out there who will actually let me know when she's been thinking about me.
2. Raquel
I Haven't seen her a whole lot in the past while, but she has just been fabulous, per usual. I saw her at Alex's coming home bbq avec LA, and she just makes me feel like I am this super cool and glamorous person. Which I am not. She is. In fact, she makes me feel the way I think of her, if that makes any sense.
3. Sami
Saw her for the first time in three weeks, two days ago. I felt like my life had color in it again. It was ridiculous how amazing it was to hang out with her. WIZARD OF OZ SHIT YO! BLACK AND WHITE TO VIBRANT COLOR! AHHH! AHHH! WOAH!
4. BB
No one can make me laugh like BB. No one talks about sex with me like her. No one let me be as silly as like. Nough said. I miss her like a crazy person misses their sanity. BLAST!
Blue blue blue. It's my fav color, yet it associates with my least favorite feeling, melancholy. I dislike being depressed, but I loath feeling melancholy. Mostly because when I'm depressed I have no qualms about feeling sorry for myself. When I'm melancholy I hate feeling sorry for myself and when others feel sorry for me. All I am capable of doing is watching TV with a bland look on my face. I CAN'T EVEN CRY!
Here are my last words of the day: The OC made me cry the other day. The episode where Anna leaves, its called The Goodbye Girl, and the last five minutes are ridiculously sad. When Seth is getting all worked up about Anna leaving, I relate so well. Whenever good friends leave me, all I want to do is make them stay. Also, the scene is just really well written and Samaire Armstrong is fabulous.
so, ciao.
All about The OC. Man it's good. I always forget how much I love it, how endearingly cute the characters are, how well the music fits with whats going on, basically, I just love everything about it.
All about MadMen. SOOOOO GREAT! All about early 1960s ad execs and their lives. Their lives, wives and affairs. Super classy, super scandalous, super goooooooood. GLAMOUR GLAMOUR GLAMOUR! I have a love affair with the 60s.
All about Desperate Housewives. Just so good. Attractive ladies dealing with absurd situations that make me laugh. Glamour, seduction, mystery, humour. Everything I love in a good ol' TV show.
Lemme take a minute to talk about the people who have made a difference in my life since my last post.
1. Lily
We have had this nice, I'm not quite sure what word to use cause it aint no reconciliation, perhaps, reconnection. Not that we were disconnected. Just a little lost in the frazzle is all. Talking to her more regularly has put my life into a dreamy fuzz that I never want to leave. Its nice to know I have a friend out there who will actually let me know when she's been thinking about me.
2. Raquel
I Haven't seen her a whole lot in the past while, but she has just been fabulous, per usual. I saw her at Alex's coming home bbq avec LA, and she just makes me feel like I am this super cool and glamorous person. Which I am not. She is. In fact, she makes me feel the way I think of her, if that makes any sense.
3. Sami
Saw her for the first time in three weeks, two days ago. I felt like my life had color in it again. It was ridiculous how amazing it was to hang out with her. WIZARD OF OZ SHIT YO! BLACK AND WHITE TO VIBRANT COLOR! AHHH! AHHH! WOAH!
4. BB
No one can make me laugh like BB. No one talks about sex with me like her. No one let me be as silly as like. Nough said. I miss her like a crazy person misses their sanity. BLAST!
Blue blue blue. It's my fav color, yet it associates with my least favorite feeling, melancholy. I dislike being depressed, but I loath feeling melancholy. Mostly because when I'm depressed I have no qualms about feeling sorry for myself. When I'm melancholy I hate feeling sorry for myself and when others feel sorry for me. All I am capable of doing is watching TV with a bland look on my face. I CAN'T EVEN CRY!
Here are my last words of the day: The OC made me cry the other day. The episode where Anna leaves, its called The Goodbye Girl, and the last five minutes are ridiculously sad. When Seth is getting all worked up about Anna leaving, I relate so well. Whenever good friends leave me, all I want to do is make them stay. Also, the scene is just really well written and Samaire Armstrong is fabulous.
so, ciao.
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