dream a little dream of me

This is my current perfect day dream and I will make it happen someday.

I want to go to Paris in the springtime. Nannying/ Au Paring in a little beret for a wealthy family. On one of my days I will find a park that overlooks a large chunk of Paris. There, with my lunch of a baguette and a block of cheese (blue cheese!) I will read a book that I love. I will cry and laugh all at once. Complete joy and tristese at the same time. The most beautiful feeling in the entire world.


I know it's a little cheesy but it's something I aspire to do.

walking around waiting downtown

Things are hard. I am lonely. Get over it Maria.

On the upside. Things are starting to fall into place. My travelling. The money for my travelling. What I actually want to do with my life. My health (not really but I'n finally getting put through for appointments). My therapy. My friends (sort of. I'm working on it).

I'm really going to push for travelling in the next few months. with my GINORMOUS tax return coming back to me soon and hopefully I can get my 2007 done cause I'll be getting some moneys back, and if I save as much as possible in the next four months I can be out of here by September, October, or November, for as short as 3 months to asl long as two years. My ideal is 6 to 8 months.

So we'll see. But as far as work goes abroad I've found somethiing plausible that someone I know has done. So fingers crossed.

I need a break from this town and the people I know. I love it here and I love everyone but I need some time alone.

I'm coming to a place in my life where I can be alone and sort of deal with my problems by myself. I'm not one hundred percent there yet but I'm learning the value of lots of time alone and a good book.

So when I'm leaving I'll be ready to spend time alone and be happy about it. And make new friends! So we'll seeeeeeeee!

a friend you used to call

I have had the most infuriating day. I'm so frustrated by the lack of maturity and acceptance of someone I used to consider a best friend but completeley turned their back on me. I'm hurt and upset and basically have decided that none of my friendships that I work hard to keep going will last long term because I have a lot of personal issues that apparently and I'm apparently not worth working out fights with because I'm somewhat of a lost cause that can't control myself or my impulses. ALSO APPARENTLY I'M A DRUG ADDICT! I GUESS THAT HAPPENED WITHOUT MY KNOWING! AWESOME!

It's so frustrating and hurtful and I almost don't want friends anymore because it hurts so much. I'M PRETTY SURE MY HEART IS GOING TO FALL OUT OUT OF EXHAUSTION. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH>

I'M A WHINING PRICK